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A ham and cheese sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says "can't you read the sign".......................
"we don't serve food here"

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A guy fell into an upholstery machine...............
He's fully recovered now.

I gave away some dead batteries................
Free of charge.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He says................
I'll have a beer.......
and one for the road

When a C, G, and E flat walk into a bar, the bartender says......
I'm sorry, but we don't serve minors here
So the E flat leaves, and the C and G share an open fifth

I couldn't figure out why the baseball seemed to be getting bigger...........
Then it hit me.

Two guys walk out of a bar.
The first says "we must have missed the joke"
The second says "yeah, let's go back in"
Two guys walk into a bar.

A man was in serious condition after having his entire left side cut off...........
He's alright now.